How Could I Not Of Thought Of This Before?! Announcing the Miss Pyrat Pageant!
To enter, send in pix of yourself to nelson@piratesofpensacola.com. Tip: Consider wearing a minimum of garments to give the judges the best chance to get to judge you. By the way, if you have a talent, mention it. Finalists will be scrimshawed and posted here as we select them. As I am real sensitive and politically correct and stuff like that, Miss Pyrat?s open to bloaks too (below is Flarq?s entry (how in the bloody crap could I tell that silo-sized, harpoon-wielding bastard that he wasn?t a Finalist?)), but lads, if you feel nancyish about entering, nobody?ll be all that broke up if you don?t. The Pageant winner gets an all-expense-paid (providing you pick an entree $12.99 or under) dinner date with me, Nelson Cooke.
Contestants must be 18 years of age or older or have a fake i.d. good enough for "reasonable doubt."
Stupid George Finally A Pirate
No, no decks’ll be stained with blood by his hands anytime soon, but my thinkingly-challenged old shipmate Stupid George has finally become a Pirate. He signed up for a local ball team. Unfortunately he missed the first game when he mistook a salad spinner for a batting helmet (see scrimshaw below). He may miss the rest of the season too. Turns out it’s a girls’ team. Something good has come out of this though: I, Nelson Cooke, have magnanimously agreed to be their sponsor. Going to cut this entry short so I can get back to work on the new uniforms I’m graciously designing for the team.
P.S. Our harpooner Flarq, never one to let a kitchen implement go unscrimshawed, did up the salad thing:
How Pirates Lived After They Died A bit of pirate historical yarn courtesy of our writing stooge. This is just about all true:
Back in Century #18, pirates banded together and effectively unionized, creating the Brotherhood of the Coast, which fostered a sense of fraternity unequaled in the history of crime. Not only did the Brotherhood create pirating rules (the hallowed “Pirate Articles”), it offered its members an Afterlife.
Although they were viewed by everyone else in the world as ruthless criminals beyond hope of salvation, pirates were inculcated with the notion that they could still maintain a course for a Providence, known as Fiddler’s Green. To ensure his admission to Fiddler’s Green, in battle, Captain Roberts always wore a gold chain with a large cross. Captain Daniel once stole a priest so as to celebrate Mass aboard his pirate ship. As it happened, he shot one of his crewmen for making an obscene gesture during the course of the service.
In 1746, Ezekiel Cooke’s nephew and piratical heir, Arthur Cooke, erected, at a monastery on St. Kitts, a life-sized gold crucifix. That the gold came from a Spanish barque whose entire crew had been burned alive seemed irrelevant to the grateful monks. The cross, incidentally, was later stolen by Captain Daniel, who used a portion of the proceeds to build an orphanage.
The title of most saintly pirate goes, without contest, to Captain Misson. Misson was known for the gentlemanly manner with which he robbed ships. He painted his own deck red so that the spilled blood would not upset the crew as much, and he killed his enemies only when unavoidably driven to it and, then still, with the greatest reluctance. Misson once took a Dutch ship, the Nieuwstadt, bound for Amsterdam. Finding the cargo to contain gold and seventeen black slaves, he immediately called all hands on deck and delivered an impassioned sermon which included his contention that “the trading for those of our own species could never be agreeable to the eyes of divine justice. No man has power of the Liberty of another.” Misson kept the gold, then freed the slaves from their irons and dressed them in the clothes of their Dutch masters, whom he killed. He went on to found, fifty years before the French Revolution, a pirate republic dedicated to “Liberty, Equality and Fraternity.” For many years, this attempt at Utopia flourished, until attacked by theretofore friendly natives. The pirates were driven into the sea, where they drowned. As Byron soon after wrote of Misson: “He was the mildest-mannered man that ever scuttled a ship or cut a throat.”
P.S. Here?s a scrimshaw of the Not-So-Dread Captain Misson by Flarq the harpooner:
Yarn from Labsnabys that Could Get You Drunk You like Blackbeard, shipwrecks, and devils? What pirate doesn?t? Read this entry from our shipmate Labsnabys, go to the tipple house tonight and retell it, and likely as not you?ll get yourself remunerated in rum...
When I was young, my family would take summer vacations along North Carolina's Outer Banks. I loved the unique place names then (Nags Head, Kill Devil Hills, Ocracoke), but I had no idea of the origins of these names. Nelson's post regarding Rum Appreciation got me wondering if the name Kill-Devil associated with rum had anything to do with the name Kill Devil Hill(s). A bit of Googling helped me find the following web site http://www.outerbankschamber.com/relocation/history/names.cfm which talks about the origin of these names. Not surprisingly, several of them are somehow pirate-related! Here are a few excerpts from "Origin of Names - An Outer Banks Lexicon":
The name Kill Devil Hills is deep in legend. The town includes the site of man's first flight and is the base of the beautiful Wright Brothers Memorial. There are so many stories dealing with the origin of the name that it is difficult to separate fact from fiction. One of the stories is that in the 1700's William Byrd of Virginia, apparently no admirer of the Carolinas, wrote that "most of the rum they get in the country comes from New England, and is so bad and unwholesome that it is not improperly called "Kill Devil." Another story is that a ship loaded with this "Kill Devil Rum" was wrecked opposite the hills, hence the name.
The legend of Nags Head is that in the days of pirates, when tales drifted ashore of the wonderful treasures being plundered at sea, one of the "Bankers", (natives to the Outer Banks) got the inspiration which brought the name Nags Head. A lantern was tied around the neck of an old and gentle horse, and this old nag led slowly up and down the dunes now known as Jockey's Ridge, so that the light shone out to sea. As a ship's captain saw this light, it appeared to be from a ship riding at anchor in a sheltered harbor, but when he tried to make anchorage his ship would go aground, with land pirates then making the crew "walk the plank" before looting and burning the ship.
Ocracoke was supposedly named after one of our more unsavory early inhabitants, the infamous Edward Teach, more widely known as Blackbeard. Blackbeard dropped anchor in the inlet to unload his booty and viewing the vast expanse of sand and water, shook his fist and yelled into the calm breeze, "Oh, Crow Cock!"
Here?s a scrimshaw of the Devil Flarq the harpooner did from a portrait on a Satan-worshipper site. Responsible journalists as we are, we?ve got to wonder if it?s legit. If you worked in a place literally hot as Hell, would you wear a hood and a cloak?
Pirate Recipe
I call this dish "Scallops a la Nelson"
Stuff you’ll need:
3 ounces dried tomatoes (about 1 cup), not packed in oil 1 pound sea scallops 1 pound penne or bow-tie pasta 1 tablespoon olive oil 1 1/2 tablespoons minced shallots 1 cup dry white wine 1/2 cup pine nuts, toasted until golden 2 cups heavy cream 1/4 cup freshly grated Parmesan 1/2 cup prepared basil pesto 1 bottle of rum 1 other bottle of rum 1 superyacht
In a small heatproof bowl, pour enough boiling water over tomatoes to cover and let stand 20 to 30 minutes, or until soft. Drain tomatoes, discarding liquid, and slice thin.
While tomatoes are soaking, remove tough muscle from side of each scallop if necessary and halve scallops if large. In a 6-quart kettle bring 5 quarts salted water to a boil for pasta.
In a large heavy skillet heat oil over moderately high heat until hot but not smoking and saute scallops until pale golden on edges and cooked through, about 2 minutes on each side. Transfer scallops to a heatproof dish and keep warm, covered.
Add shallots to oil remaining in skillet and cook, covered, over moderate heat, stirring occasionally, until softened. Add wine and boil, uncovered, stirring to scrape up browned bits, until reduced to about 3 tablespoons. Add pine nuts, tomatoes, and cream and bring just to a boil. Stir in Parmesan and pesto and remove skillet from heat. Stir in scallops.
Cook pasta in boiling water until al dente and drain in a colander. Return pasta to kettle and add scallop mixture, tossing gently to combine.
The Legend of Gunpowder Gertie Thanks to our shipmate Capt. Ed Foxe, some Woodward-and-Bernstein-caliber poop on one of the most famous pirate wenches (what is the politically correct term again?) of all time, Gertrude Stubbs, a.k.a. Gunpowder Gertie...
"A poor woman, Gertrude Stubbs dressed as a man so that she could work aboard as a coalman on the steamships traveling along the inland rivers of Whitby, an east coast port town in Britain. After an injury blinded her in one eye, the doctor discovered she was a woman and she was immediately fired from her job.
In revenge, she stole a police patrol boat, customized it into a fast-moving, reinforced gunboat which she named the Witch. Hoisting her Jolly Roger, she attacked paddleboats up and down the river using this boat, and was nicknamed Gunpowder Gertie.
One of her crew eventually betrayed her for a reward and clemency, and in a final battle with the law, he was killed along with most of her crew. Gertie was imprisoned and died of pneumonia. The location of her booty was never discovered."
HOWEVER, as Capt. Ed tells us via his collection of "Pirate Mythtory":
Actually, that's probably not a particularly accurate description of the terrifying Gunpowder Gertie. Gertrude Stubbs is well known as the Lady Pirate of Kootenay Lake (rather than the Lady Pirate of Whitby!), and she had many more adventures than the brief resume above gives her credit for. So what's Gertie doing here at Pirate Mythtory? I think the best thing I can do is to pass on the words of her inventor, storyteller Carolyn McTaggart.
"The truth is, Gertie only exists as a figment of my overactive imagination. I made her up to explain a treasure hunt for some schoolchildren I was working with and in order to make her more credible, added a lot of the local history I've grown to love. We used her to take a tour of the area learning local history (true stuff as well ) and then dug up one of her treasures at the beach before we told them the truth. It was when the parents believed it (guess what, we had a lady pirate on Kootenay Lake in 1898 and everyone just forgot!), that it seemed too good not to have a little fun with it. A local paper, The Kootenay Review, ran the story as an April Fool's joke along with the explanation of how she'd been "lost" to history. It was amazing how many people fell for it hook, line and sinker! Best joke I've ever played and to my knowledge nobody got hurt (ok, disappointed, maybe)-end of story- I thought. Then, a few years later, Gertie turned up on her own, somehow, the story got sent to the CBC -not me, honest- and was used in a segment of Bob Johnson's program, This Day in History and they thought it was a true story. And that's how I ended up becoming an historical storyteller. I have much more of her life written out, and several adventures that I can tell, as well as the original legend, and have told her story as far as the Yukon International Storytelling Festival and England. She's taken on a life of her own. The Tyrant Queen has floated down Baker St. in the local parade, I have a treasure chest with treasure, there was a traveling exhibit of "artifacts and fiction". There's even a mockumentary of her life available on video. It's been lots of fun and ten years later, I still run into people who think she was real. And now, in a twisted way, she is real local history. When my father built my treasure chest when I was 5, I don't think he imagined I'd still be playing with it when I turned 40!
??Carolyn McTaggart"
For more action like this, check out Capt. Ed’s swell Pirate Mythtory site.
When Pirating A Brig...
...it's useful to have a crewmate of the canine persuasion as, in a pitch black ship's hold, their supercharged snoots can sniff out certain valuable items us human pirates would otherwise miss.
In the video below, you can see my new crewmate Sea-Rover in a land training session for exactly that purpose.
Now, as it happens, Sea-Rover has his own blog where he gives his views on this. How is it possible that he's writing and responding to comments in English, as opposed to Bark? I 've got no idea. Maybe his previous sniffing-stuff-out experience has something to do with it?
Stupid George (Technically) No Longer Lost
As you might recall, Stupid George struck out on his own, hoping to make a name for himself as a pirate. Then he was never heard from. Well, he’s turned up. Evidently he’s spent the last couple weeks stumbling around the alley behind the pirate supply store where he bought a hoop earring, a custom t-shirt and a couple of eye patches.
I’m going to have to take the poor bastard out pirating, aren’t I?
Free Beer
To those of you who bought a copy of the novel "Pirates of Pensacola" then sent in to the stooge’s talent agency in New York City to get a bookplate signed by the author (fancy publishing term for sticker): Well, we ran into delays. In short, one thing lead to another, all of which was out of my control other than the signing pen running dry and some consequences of a case of rum. Good news is the first batch is now signed and in the mail. Some of you might have your hands (and in one case, hand and hook) on them already.
Still, as our way of apologizing for the delay, here’s a scrimshaw of a beer for you by Flarq.
Now before you go and squawk, “Well, gee, Nelson, although you’re a sensitive, smart guy, that’s not so big of you to upload a jpeg of a beer,” listen to this: The publishing company is sending the stooge to talk or something like that at the Blackbeard Festival in Hampton, Virginia on Saturday, June 4th. You print out the scrimshaw and you can redeem it with the stooge & co. for an actual, real beer, providing that isn’t in violation of a bunch of laws (in which case you can redeem it with me).
A note about the Blackbeard Festival: This sucker is one of the biggest pirate festivals on the planet with 30,000 pirates and pirate fans expected to attend, which is odd, cause it’s a celebration of the beheading of Blackbeard a couple hundred years or so ago. You’d think they’d be protesting, right? No. See, Blackbeard was the pirating equivalent of a monopoly. When his ticket was punched, it opened jobs for lots of other pirates. Amen.
P.S.: Speaking of history, today?s May 1, a.k.a. May Day. Can any of you clue me in on the historical significance of the May Pole? As usual I?m eager to do some learning.
Rum Appreciation In the 21st Century I am a university man, now ladies, at the best kind of university, one you don?t have to show up at, and the best kind of that kind: one where all the studies are about rum. The following excerpt from the first lesson comes to us courtesy of The Rum University. See if you can guess my favorite part?
Lesson 1: Origin of Rum - A Brief History
Copyright 2003 Rum Runner Press, Inc. All Rights Reserved. www.rumuniversity.com
What is Rum?
According to some dictionaries, "Rum is a by-product of the processing of sugar from sugarcane." Another definition of the word "rum", one from the Jamaican Excise Duty Law of 1941, number 73, defines rum as a spirit "distilled solely from sugarcane juice, sugarcane molasses, or the refuse of the sugarcane, at a strength not exceeding 150% proof." This would be a very sad world if everything that rum is could be boiled down to these dry, uninteresting definitions.
The purpose of this course -and possibly the reason behind your motivation to take it- is to explore the many faces of rum, from its origins and styles to its uses and lore.
The word "Rum"
It is hard to write about rum without touching on the origins of the word itself. Over the years much has been speculated and written about its origins. One theory offers the possible derivation of the word "rum" from the Latin for sugar, saccharum officinarum. Another theory is that it comes from rumbullion, which may have been a purely descriptive word or a modified English version of the Dutch and German roemer, which refers to a large drinking glass.
Regardless of the origin of the word, there seems to be an agreement that the name Kill-Devil (or Kill-Devill), alias Rumbullion, was given to the first beverages in Barbados. They were notably rough and unpalatable and could "overpower the senses with a single whiff," and would "lay them (the men) to sleep on the ground" (Richard Ligon). We are also helped by a quote from the General Court of Connecticut (New England), 1654, which is the earliest known recognition of Barbados rum in the colonies: "... whatsoever Barbados liquors, commonly called rum, Kill-Devill or the like."
Novelist Hervey Allen offered the following definition: "Rum? 'tis the courage of the fighting Dutchmen, and the main brace of the Royal Navy, a potable charge for explosions of friendship, wings on the slippers of Mercury."
In addition to the above, the following terms have also been used to refer to rum:
Barbados Water Splice the Main Brace Grog Demon Water The Pirate's Drink Navy Neaters Nelson's Blood Rum Bastion Comfortable Waters...
Lesson One, and the rest of the coure, can be downloaded at: The Rum University Now for today?s homework...
Now before you go and squawk, “Well, gee, Nelson, although you’re a sensitive, smart guy, that’s not so big of you to upload a jpeg of a beer,” listen to this: The publishing company is sending the stooge to talk or something like that at the 
